remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
