I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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