So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
