..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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