Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
