Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
