is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
