I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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