would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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