i was born a porn star she said
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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