.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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