Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
