i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize