whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
