This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
