I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
