My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
