he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
