All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
