i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
