the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
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