I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
