Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
