Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize