Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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