Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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