when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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