i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
