worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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