Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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