My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
