i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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