His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm at about main and main street
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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