No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
