I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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