sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
