omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize