the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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