just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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