I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
