Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
