There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
