you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
