my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
