Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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