I'm jealous of your bromance
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
