I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
