he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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