Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
