Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
