Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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