I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
