By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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