You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
