Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
