yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
