Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
