Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
