Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize